“Wow, I couldn’t do that!” “Isn’t that tough?!”
In the year and two months that Devin and I kept a long distance relationship, I heard these phrases often. And to be honest, before meeting Devin I probably didn’t think I’d be able to do such a thing either. But I’ve discovered it’s not a question about “can I?” but instead “will I?” You will do that if you love a person enough and if you’re willing to do the extra work.
Second, yes. It’s so freaking tough! And you’ll have to be very open minded and patient. But then imagine seeing each other after 3 months apart… indescribable.
I believe that if you two are really in love, you’ll find a way to be together. Consider the long distance an opportunity to learn about each other, combine two cultures, and grow. And if the relationship doesn’t evolve, at least you’re not wondering “what if?”
IG:@madkrumphoto
Here are a few pieces of advice to help you figure out if your long-distance love is worth it and whether you’re ready to say F the distance.
Trust: First you need to ask yourself, “do I trust this person?” If you do, then great, trust that goddamn person and make sure he/she trusts you in return. You know your loved one better than anyone, so don’t let anyone give you unnecessary doubt.
FaceTime: Can be the best thing in the world! But also really sucky!
What Devin and I did was text basically every day and call maybe three times a week.
Be aware, though, that this at times pulled me into a darker mood. Seeing the face of your love will hurt and you might feel like a FaceTime call isn’t enough, but that’s all you’ve got. Sometimes Dev and I would feel sad after (or in the middle of) a call, and we’d tell each other about it. Accept that you’re missing each other and the feelings that arise.
Send letters and packages: So maybe until now the only postcard you’ve sent was to your grandparents from camp. But don’t worry! It’s really as simple as writing a poem or sending some pictures (I sometimes added pebernødder, which is Devin’s favourite Danish Christmas cookie, flags that we use for birthdays or a USB pen with greetings from my friends and family). Sure it sounds old school and cheesy, but who cares? You know it’s gonna bring a smile to the lips you miss so badly. And (added bonus!) If you’re looking to later apply for a K1-fiancé Visa, letters are great proof to add to your application.
Plan the next visit: I think I’ll rank this as the most important advice of all. Schedule a date for travelling, so you both have something to look forward to. Devin and I tried to see each other every 3-4 months. With the help of a shared Google Doc, we planned what we’d do together and kept a countdown. If you are able to schedule visits more often, great. But remember that you wanna save up money to get the most out of the time spent together. Use those moments to create memories and experiences together while getting to know each other even more.
Dev and I planned a meet up in Montreal, Canada, in September 2019. Before our trip we already knew what days we would be visiting Devin’s Canadian family, which day to spend in the city of Old Montreal, and all the bomb vegan places in the area of our Airbnb.
In general love (especially love overseas) is a roller coaster. Personally I’m really happy that I went for the ride, and the best part is to be strapped in next to the person I love. But that’s not to say there aren’t crazy ups and downs along the way. It’s thrilling, nevertheless.
This might be the best ride of your life, or you’ll look like my mom does when she’s on a slide higher than 10 feet: terrified. But let’s hope for the first one cause that feeling is the best!
Kys og kram,
Victoria Liv